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Self-Improvement & Hobbies

The sum of all our fears

You’ve finally decided to pluck up your courage to approach that pretty girl at the bar counter. However, as you make your way towards her, a certain fear lurks inside you - the fear of rejection.
CATS Classified In The Straits Times - February 20, 2009
By: Wong Wei Chen
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The sum of all our fears

Guys, this one’s for you. Ladies, have a heart and be kind to the guys, all right?

Before I start, I must offer my apologies to feminists who might take umbrage at what I’m going to say. However, I think it has some basis in facts, so here goes.

Since our hunting-gathering days, men have evolved to be the more dominant half of the human race. From a bunch of irrepressible grunts stalking and killing big game, various outstanding specimens have emerged. For good or worse, we’ve had ingenious military strategists, brilliant scientists, charismatic celebrities and others. Yet in spite of all his achievements, man has yet to successfully overcome a crippling fear: the fear of rejection.

How many times have you taken notice of a particularly comely lady over in a corner of a pub, but failed to take any initiative to know her better? One good way to overcome the fear of rejection, as I’ve found out, is to develop the fear of regret. When you look back, you won’t regret those times you made an idiot of yourself, but rather those occasions when you never took the chance.

You’re not her type

Many of us fear rejection because it lowers our self-esteem. There’s really no reason to lose confidence just because the lady you approach says “no”. Give yourself a pat on the back and tell yourself that she’s not really rejecting you, the person. How could she, when she doesn’t have a clue what you’re all about? Maybe she’s just dating someone else or married, or is having a bad day and is in a foul mood.

So, no, you aren’t rejected because there’s something wrong with you. You’re still a fine, swashbuckling bloke, so get a move on.

What real rejection is

True rejection is devastating. Once you appreciate what it’s about, you’ll realise how silly it is to fear approaching unfamiliar women.

True rejection occurs when a woman rejects a man with whom she has spent a considerable amount of time. This type of rejection is crushing; the man has been cast off because of what he is, his thinking, his habits and proclivities – that’s got to hurt!

Now, once you understand this, getting turned down by women at the pub is nothing.

Get something going

I remember times when I had to jump into the swimming pool on a cold, windy day. I could have walked away; I could have continued staring at the pool indefinitely; or I could just take the plunge. So far, I’ve always jumped in and swum furiously to beat the cold.

It’s the same with approaching a lady. Just walk up and get a conversation started. Last week, I went on at length about good and bad pick-up lines. The nub of it is not to pose questions that invite one-word, “yes” or “no”, answers, but to go for those that encourage a more detailed response which could provide leads for further conversation.

Are you ready?

So do you feel man enough now to walk up to that comely lady in the corner of the pub? Just remember that a “no” does not equate to an irreversible judgement of you; she just doesn’t know what a great dude you are. So chin up, and move on to the next lady that catches your attention.


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