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Self-Improvement & Hobbies

Keeping Mum

Secrets on How Not to Celebrate Mother’s Day
ST701 Editorial Team - May 11, 2012
By: Jerrold Yam
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Keeping Mum

We live in a world governed by limits. There are some things that you just can’t say, such as greeting your CEO with his nickname or insinuating that floods in Singapore occur once every fifty years. Once these limits are breached, your lack of credibility and common sense becomes laughable.

What better way to ruin Mother’s Day—an idealistic, over-commercialised excuse to commemorate the owner of the womb you rented for nine months—than to commit these absurd mistakes? We have listed the top five catastrophes to avoid on that day. This is for everyone who has experienced a mother’s exceptional love, and for mothers who give that love as generously as rainfall in Singapore.

1.      Handmade Cards 

If you’re reading this, then you’re definitely above the age of ten (we don’t take what your friends think of you into consideration). Handmade cards are cute only when you are able to bat your eyelashes and baby-talk loving speeches to Mom. All other cases scream ‘late developer’ (which will sadden Moms and cause them to blame themselves) or ‘cheapskate ingrate’ (which will see you getting sent out of the house).

2.      Great Expectations

Don’t tell Mom a month before May 13 that you’ve booked a table at a famous American restaurant serving well-known western food, and end up driving her to McDonald’s. Don’t tell her you’re buying the family a seafood dinner, and proceed to ordering set meals from Long John Silver’s. Your boss would’ve told you this countless times—manage expectations! Disappointment only arises when someone expects more from you and fails to get it.

3.      Lingering Doubt

Steer clear of these inappropriate gifts like they’re Members of Parliament knocking on your door once every five years. Giving Mom lingerie or makeup throws either your morals or sexual orientation in doubt, none of which are flattering situations. Exercise equipment and Watch-Your-Weight dietary supplements turn your wish for genuine gratitude from Mom into fat hope. A cookbook will just make you look plain selfish.

4.      Family Jewels

When purchasing gifts for women, don’t take advice from clichés like Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Why? Apparel and jewellery preferences are very personal choices. Don’t risk vaporising your wallet only to have Mom keep that fancy necklace in her drawer, so she may give it to your baby girl as an heirloom when she gets married twenty years later.

5.      Nip it in the Bud

Flowers are awesome for dates and funerals, and even as an accompanying touch to a well-planned dinner with Mom. However, don’t mistake her for a bridesmaid by handing her a bouquet and nothing else. Not only do the most beautiful flowers wither in a couple of days, but they’ll be ridiculously overpriced come Mother’s Day. You’d be able to get more bang for your buck splurging on other floral items like expensive rose tea or a mansion in Orchard Road named Bougain-Villa.

Jokes aside, let’s spend time to make this day special for the one we cannot live without. The one who supplies all our needs. The one who brings sunlight and nourishment to our lives. The one we call Mother...Nature.

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