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Self-Improvement & Hobbies

Better ways to say ‘buzz off’

Rejecting a guy may not be rocket science but it takes skill to do it without shattering his ego.
CATS Classified In The Straits Times - February 27, 2009
By: Wong Wei Chen
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Better ways to say ‘buzz off’

Last article, I talked about how men can overcome their fear of rejection when they approach women.

After sharing that with the blokes, it’s only fair to write one for the ladies this time round - tips are on how they can deflect unwanted attention. Guys, take it in stride, all right? Sir Isaac Newton, a towering genius in his time, said that for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Life’s fair.

Already attached

Claim that you’re taken, even if you don’t actually have a boyfriend or husband. Once he knows that you’re not available, he’s more likely to respect that and leave you alone.

This method can be one of the most gentle ways of rejecting a guy. When executed with flair, you can convey the message that you’d have loved to know him better, but unfortunately (oh, so unfortunately…) you’re already committed to someone else – you’re not turning him away because of something you don’t like about him. This preserves the other party’s self-confidence.

I’m not ruling out the possibility that some black sheep don’t know when to quit. In a rather perverse way, you can actually admire them for their never-say-die attitude. But I’d sooner cast them into the cesspool along with other decrepit embarrassments of mankind. These awkward specimens have, in my view, crossed the threshold of respect and decency, so if you need to, call on the club’s security.

Wrap it up with a compliment

To apply a metaphor, rejection is like a durian; its outer husk of prickly thorns stings the hands, and after being stung and yet failing to get the succulent pulp within, most men are apt to walk away feeling sour.

So cushion your “thorns” with a compliment. Tell him that you’re not interested, but follow up immediately with a positive remark about his cool looks or irrepressible personality, and how he shouldn’t have any problems finding a great girl. This can make rejection much easier for the guy to handle.

Have a fake date

If you haven’t gone to the pub alone, get one of your friends to pretend to be your date. Most men are not so brazen that they’ll intentionally intrude upon a couple; if they have mistakenly done so, they’ll most likely beat a quick retreat. Again, the man’s self-esteem is not damaged, since it’s not his fault that he couldn’t chat you up.

Of a different bent

Many men (myself included) are tightly bundled packages of ego, and practising one-upmanship seems genetically encoded in us. If I’m not as good looking as the bloke next door, I’ve got to be richer than him. And if he’s both richer and more handsome than I am, maybe I can try to get a sexier girlfriend. In our own idiosyncratic ways, we retain some of our animal instincts, and the alpha male in our immediate circle makes us go green with envy.

When you come across such Neanderthals that have not quite cast off their unevolved selves, tell them that you’ve got a girlfriend. Some men take rejection better if they think they lost out to a girl instead of another “male ape in the tribe”.


Continuing the conversation